We produced Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol, HSL Penthouse Party (a tribute to Henry Mancini) and HSL Project Runaway ( a parody of Bravo TV's Project Runway).
Idol was, expected, a take on the American Idol phenomenon which had the country stuck by its goose pemples.
Our parody show was a great success, earning more than any previous show. I had my partner, Ron Leathers, to thank for his genius set design--- a perfect American Idol set! Built with the passion of a true fan, with no doubt!
Also Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol was the last major sports club show produced at the infamous Backstreet Atlanta club in 2004.
A bulldozer took that club in 2005.
---------------------
That year, we had (what a Midtown queen would call) a whimsical musical logistical nightmare.
With a cast of 30 (every team wanted in the show) and back-up dancers/casts totalling 72, we needed a piece of music we could use to "bump-in" and "bump-out" of scenes.
The DJ was already angry that he had to play 15 different scene CDs!
So Denton Graham, notorious as Kitty Kari-All, insisted we all take a serious ear to the recent Henri Mancini Anniversary Compilation Pink Panther's Penthouse Party album. It was incredible.
We later adapted the show around the music.
Our premise was this: "...what if the best members of the best sports club in the U.S. came up to the best penthouse in the town for a party? What---or who--- would they be wearing?
Posters for the show read something like:
"High above the clouds, haute' couture and character assassination..."
Denton borrowed sets and my crew built a realistic and modern elevator. Our moment of glory came and went as the curtain opened.
What a trophy, the stage looked like the most swanky penthouse you had ever seen!Do I need mention the best looking people were in the show?
Denton borrowed sets and my crew built a realistic and modern elevator. Our moment of glory came and went as the curtain opened.
What a trophy, the stage looked like the most swanky penthouse you had ever seen!Do I need mention the best looking people were in the show?
----------------------
Anyway, a zillion ideas forward and pat myself on the back for my volunteer work and patience. What's that? ...keep working, eh?
I came across the scripts to the show open of Project Runaway. I wanted you to see how bawdy writing has to be to appear comical for an adult crowd!
PRESENTATION
Script
Please welcome Contestant Number 1,
Tim Word of the B Division Xtreme Team.
Yeah, that’s Kitchen’s Guys.
Obviously someone on the team is
Hogging all the food.
Tim is appearing tonight as “SHY BOY”
He’s also very friendly at the fields.
Look at that chest!
That’s Hunk Contestant Number 1, SHY BOY.
And here comes Contestant #1 for the “MISS”
That’s really Myron of the C Division Steel.
Here, she appears as RuPauls’ Evil Step Sister, RE-CALL.
They may Re-Call RUPAUL next!
RuPaul would BEAT YOU DOWN Girl.
We asked ReCall about her “model diet” …
She says she owes her body to Magnum Extra Larges,
K-Y Jelly, Silicone, and a VASECTOMY.
VASECTOMY? Men HATE that word…
Get ‘Outta Here RECALL!
Now time for MORE MEN’S!
Presenting Hunk Derek of the B Division Sluggers.
He’s Mr. Hunk #2.
He calls himself “D-NASTY”
As in---- “doin’ the nasty?”
Derek says his Coach made him appear in tonight’s pageant because everyone else on his team is UGLY.
SAD, really…
Emerson, you need to draft more like Derek!
That’s D-NASTY of the Sluggers.
Women’s Contestant Number 2 is a familiar face.
That’s 2003’s Mr. Hunk, Mike Crocker, a Coach of the Atlanta Venom A Division Team…
How FAR we FALL, Honey.
Tonight she’s “SHELITA CORNDOG”…
…whatever the Hell that implies…
Of course she’ll eat a corndog!
Shelita pizza, shelita sausage!
But CORNDOG? Her mother was cruel.
Shelita said when she was a teenage child
She had her “monthly time” and a
Family of Cats followed her to school.
Men’s Contestant Number 3 is
Michael of the C Division Steel
He’s called “Mr. FINESSE”…
…and YES! He’s known for his
uh…endowment.
He refers to it as “the SCHLONG”.
He says it often slips out of his shorts
While exercising at the gym.
What gym is that again???
“MISS” Contestant Number 3 is Peter, of the
NEW D Division Team, The Eagle Talons.
She’s called “P-LO TOPASS”
And she’s got the greatest hobby.
P-LO told the show producers he like to
Sit and eat ice cream while
Watching rainbows.
So sickeningly sweet, I could die!
She’s been imported from the far away planet
Of Puerto Rico.
Please give another hand for P-LO TOPASS!
Next year she should take my cram course on
Picking a good drag name!
Coming in NEXT is Hunk Contestant Number 4.
He’s quite a man.
That’s Venom’s BRIAN as
“MR. HOSSIER DADDY.”
Yep, he’s from the country of Indiana.
His model diet consists of beer and sugar packets.
He says he once got kicked-out of a softball tournament for telling the Umpire he “had a nice box.”
Uh…OH!
That’s Brian, as “Hossier Daddy”.
Naughty Daddy, naughty!
For Miss Number 4 we have a former
Porn actress who once slept with RON JEREMY.
She’s really called Tony, but tonight
Please welcome the scandalous “MISS CARRIAGE”.
She’s a country lass…with chickens and goats at home.
The real kind.
Her model diet consists of Little Debbie Cakes and sweet tea.
She said she went to a seedy Nashville night club once
And had sex with KITCHEN.
Girl---some things are best kept secret!!!
Let’s have more MEN!
Here comes Contestant Number 5, Hunk KYLE, as “RAMSHACK RAMSEY”.
Sexy man, that name sounds dirty!!!!
He normally has vodka for dinner and an occasional Tic-Tac.
Kyle says he’s played with HSL for 2 years, and
He used to date Walter from last year’s show.
You didn’t want to borrow Walter’s chaps?
Welcome Kyle as RAMSHACK RAMSEY.
That’s Miss Contestant #5
She’s Jason of the Blue Knights Team
This year she’s called “TINA TOOTIN”
Really she gets the Susan Lucci Award
For being in this pageant 20 out of 21 times.
When asked by the producers to name
Something UNIQUE about herself, she said
“I have THREE nipples.”
Please don’t show us.
Next we have Mr. Hunk #6
That’s Neon John as the DIGITAL COWBOY
Neon is the HSL Webmaster
And all-around computer geek!
We love her.
He’s got landing lights on the inside of his
Hairy legs!
John plays for the D Division
Whackers Team, as Short Stop.
Contestant Number 6, Hunk John, as the Digital Cowboy…
Miss Contestant #6 looks a lot like a real woman
But the Whackers drafted her before taking a
Look at her cup…or lack of a cup!
That’s Stacey as LEZZIE MCGUIRE.
LEZZIE as in comfortable shoes?
For the first time in our 21 year history,
A real woman up for MISS HSL.
The times, they are a changin’!
More men, More Men!
Contestant #7 is no stranger to HSL
That’s Hunk Jim Fox as “RIDE ‘EM COWBOY”
He’s also Bam-Bam’s other half.
In fact, when the producers asked him about his diet, he said he “…eats all Bam-Bam, all the time.”
Now I’m gonna heave.
You’re looking at RIDE ‘EM COWBOY…
…Hunk Jim, sponsored by the D Division Cowboys.
Our MISS Contestant Number 7 is
Gary, of the C Division Grizzlies.
She’s called “FREDA LAY”
Freda says she’s on the Karen Carpenter diet.
She’s a model because she says she’s not qualified to do anything else.
Freda Lay has been a member of HSL for 5 years.
Men’s Number 8 is up next!
He’s a newby to HSL…
Yes, a show virgin.
That’s Hunk Dustin of the C Division Sharks as “EAZY D. LITE”
He looks easy. He looks lite.
This just might work!
He says his diet goes like this---Eat in Public, throw-up in private! Duuuuuhhhh!
Eazy D. says he wanted to be a model since the first time he tried on Momma’s underwear.
Welcome our last Hunk Contestant, DUSTIN, as Eazy D. Lite.
MISS Contestant Number 8 was in this contest last year.
That’s Shawn of the D Division Stingrays.
She’s really called “SHAWNDRA LEER.”
Shawndra says “Move over bitches, momma is here.”
She never gets embarrassed.
Her model diet is a simple formula…
…One bump of Tina for breakfast, two bumps of Whitney for Lunch, and a sensible Chicklet for dinner.
Contestant Number 8, SHAWNDRA LEER.
Last and Least is the great granddaughter of Constance Le Cruising…
By day he’s CLIFF of the D-Division ROOKS team.
By night, he’s CHERRI COLA.
This is his first year in HSL.
Cherri says she’s got the 3-F’s going for her: FABULOUS, FIERCE, and FRISKY.
She says three days before a pageant or photo shoot she eats nothing but Ex-Lax and Water.
Please welcome Cherrie Cola.
(HOSTS: BRING EVERYONE BACK OUT on STAGE EXCEPT first 2 women contestants!!!)
And that’s PRESENTATION!
(Welcome Guests, welcome to HSL, welcome your show Production team of Macon-McCracken)
--------------------------
Script
Please welcome Contestant Number 1,
Tim Word of the B Division Xtreme Team.
Yeah, that’s Kitchen’s Guys.
Obviously someone on the team is
Hogging all the food.
Tim is appearing tonight as “SHY BOY”
He’s also very friendly at the fields.
Look at that chest!
That’s Hunk Contestant Number 1, SHY BOY.
And here comes Contestant #1 for the “MISS”
That’s really Myron of the C Division Steel.
Here, she appears as RuPauls’ Evil Step Sister, RE-CALL.
They may Re-Call RUPAUL next!
RuPaul would BEAT YOU DOWN Girl.
We asked ReCall about her “model diet” …
She says she owes her body to Magnum Extra Larges,
K-Y Jelly, Silicone, and a VASECTOMY.
VASECTOMY? Men HATE that word…
Get ‘Outta Here RECALL!
Now time for MORE MEN’S!
Presenting Hunk Derek of the B Division Sluggers.
He’s Mr. Hunk #2.
He calls himself “D-NASTY”
As in---- “doin’ the nasty?”
Derek says his Coach made him appear in tonight’s pageant because everyone else on his team is UGLY.
SAD, really…
Emerson, you need to draft more like Derek!
That’s D-NASTY of the Sluggers.
Women’s Contestant Number 2 is a familiar face.
That’s 2003’s Mr. Hunk, Mike Crocker, a Coach of the Atlanta Venom A Division Team…
How FAR we FALL, Honey.
Tonight she’s “SHELITA CORNDOG”…
…whatever the Hell that implies…
Of course she’ll eat a corndog!
Shelita pizza, shelita sausage!
But CORNDOG? Her mother was cruel.
Shelita said when she was a teenage child
She had her “monthly time” and a
Family of Cats followed her to school.
Men’s Contestant Number 3 is
Michael of the C Division Steel
He’s called “Mr. FINESSE”…
…and YES! He’s known for his
uh…endowment.
He refers to it as “the SCHLONG”.
He says it often slips out of his shorts
While exercising at the gym.
What gym is that again???
“MISS” Contestant Number 3 is Peter, of the
NEW D Division Team, The Eagle Talons.
She’s called “P-LO TOPASS”
And she’s got the greatest hobby.
P-LO told the show producers he like to
Sit and eat ice cream while
Watching rainbows.
So sickeningly sweet, I could die!
She’s been imported from the far away planet
Of Puerto Rico.
Please give another hand for P-LO TOPASS!
Next year she should take my cram course on
Picking a good drag name!
Coming in NEXT is Hunk Contestant Number 4.
He’s quite a man.
That’s Venom’s BRIAN as
“MR. HOSSIER DADDY.”
Yep, he’s from the country of Indiana.
His model diet consists of beer and sugar packets.
He says he once got kicked-out of a softball tournament for telling the Umpire he “had a nice box.”
Uh…OH!
That’s Brian, as “Hossier Daddy”.
Naughty Daddy, naughty!
For Miss Number 4 we have a former
Porn actress who once slept with RON JEREMY.
She’s really called Tony, but tonight
Please welcome the scandalous “MISS CARRIAGE”.
She’s a country lass…with chickens and goats at home.
The real kind.
Her model diet consists of Little Debbie Cakes and sweet tea.
She said she went to a seedy Nashville night club once
And had sex with KITCHEN.
Girl---some things are best kept secret!!!
Let’s have more MEN!
Here comes Contestant Number 5, Hunk KYLE, as “RAMSHACK RAMSEY”.
Sexy man, that name sounds dirty!!!!
He normally has vodka for dinner and an occasional Tic-Tac.
Kyle says he’s played with HSL for 2 years, and
He used to date Walter from last year’s show.
You didn’t want to borrow Walter’s chaps?
Welcome Kyle as RAMSHACK RAMSEY.
That’s Miss Contestant #5
She’s Jason of the Blue Knights Team
This year she’s called “TINA TOOTIN”
Really she gets the Susan Lucci Award
For being in this pageant 20 out of 21 times.
When asked by the producers to name
Something UNIQUE about herself, she said
“I have THREE nipples.”
Please don’t show us.
Next we have Mr. Hunk #6
That’s Neon John as the DIGITAL COWBOY
Neon is the HSL Webmaster
And all-around computer geek!
We love her.
He’s got landing lights on the inside of his
Hairy legs!
John plays for the D Division
Whackers Team, as Short Stop.
Contestant Number 6, Hunk John, as the Digital Cowboy…
Miss Contestant #6 looks a lot like a real woman
But the Whackers drafted her before taking a
Look at her cup…or lack of a cup!
That’s Stacey as LEZZIE MCGUIRE.
LEZZIE as in comfortable shoes?
For the first time in our 21 year history,
A real woman up for MISS HSL.
The times, they are a changin’!
More men, More Men!
Contestant #7 is no stranger to HSL
That’s Hunk Jim Fox as “RIDE ‘EM COWBOY”
He’s also Bam-Bam’s other half.
In fact, when the producers asked him about his diet, he said he “…eats all Bam-Bam, all the time.”
Now I’m gonna heave.
You’re looking at RIDE ‘EM COWBOY…
…Hunk Jim, sponsored by the D Division Cowboys.
Our MISS Contestant Number 7 is
Gary, of the C Division Grizzlies.
She’s called “FREDA LAY”
Freda says she’s on the Karen Carpenter diet.
She’s a model because she says she’s not qualified to do anything else.
Freda Lay has been a member of HSL for 5 years.
Men’s Number 8 is up next!
He’s a newby to HSL…
Yes, a show virgin.
That’s Hunk Dustin of the C Division Sharks as “EAZY D. LITE”
He looks easy. He looks lite.
This just might work!
He says his diet goes like this---Eat in Public, throw-up in private! Duuuuuhhhh!
Eazy D. says he wanted to be a model since the first time he tried on Momma’s underwear.
Welcome our last Hunk Contestant, DUSTIN, as Eazy D. Lite.
MISS Contestant Number 8 was in this contest last year.
That’s Shawn of the D Division Stingrays.
She’s really called “SHAWNDRA LEER.”
Shawndra says “Move over bitches, momma is here.”
She never gets embarrassed.
Her model diet is a simple formula…
…One bump of Tina for breakfast, two bumps of Whitney for Lunch, and a sensible Chicklet for dinner.
Contestant Number 8, SHAWNDRA LEER.
Last and Least is the great granddaughter of Constance Le Cruising…
By day he’s CLIFF of the D-Division ROOKS team.
By night, he’s CHERRI COLA.
This is his first year in HSL.
Cherri says she’s got the 3-F’s going for her: FABULOUS, FIERCE, and FRISKY.
She says three days before a pageant or photo shoot she eats nothing but Ex-Lax and Water.
Please welcome Cherrie Cola.
(HOSTS: BRING EVERYONE BACK OUT on STAGE EXCEPT first 2 women contestants!!!)
And that’s PRESENTATION!
(Welcome Guests, welcome to HSL, welcome your show Production team of Macon-McCracken)
--------------------------
Run of Show Follows:
HSL Project RUNaWAY 2005
PRELUDE Show CD TRACK______)
(BACKSTAGE) Smoke machine starts behind Shadowbox.
ACT 1 (RUNWAY)
(OPENING NUMBER)
Curtain closed (SHOW CD TRACK #1 ) (:00 TRT)
(OFF STAGE) At cue, curtain will open just enough to give way for the Shadowbox, and an entrance/exit space.
Art’s voice on microphone will introduce Kitty, in Shadowbox…
…Then Art introduces Gary Durden, behind Denton in Shadowbox with a knife.
BOTH HOSTS walk out of the Shadowbox to the runway. They then will go off stage______ and immediately begin introducing the Presentation Contestants.
(HOSTS please keep the introductions as short as possible, and talk in the same place every time, so the DJ can raise and lower the volume of the music. (Note: DO NOT, for ANY REASON, ask the DJ to stop the music for the Contestants/Between the Contestants.)
KITTY: Contestant #1_______________________
JENNA: Contestant #2 From the ___________team….
ETC.
When the last Contestant is introduced, the music will fade.
Kitty & Jenna say “hello” and welcome to the show, talk about this fundraiser, and the purpose of the tip buckets.
KITTY: Now it’s time to meet your show producers and judges…(introduce the Production Team of McCracken-Macon. Please mention 2003’s “Who Will Be The Next Hotlanta Idol?” and 2004’s “HSL Penthouse Party”)
KITTY and JENNA exit, change slightly for Women’s Talent)
Kitchen & RR chit-chat about the Hotlanta Softball League
The 2005 Show Committee, then introduce Judges.
(BACKSTAGE) Women’s Talent #1 is READY.
RR & Kitch re-intro Gary & Denton (SHOW CD Track)
KITTY & JENNA enter thru side of curtains, then chit-chat about the couture show they have just seen, and what is coming-up. Re-establish TIP BUCKET policies…
Curtain OPENS For Women’s Contestant #1_____
ACT 2 TALENT
Women’s TALENT begins
(See OTHER SHEET for Act CDs & Track #s)
There will be 16 different CDs lined correctly in SHOEBOX.)
(KITTY & JENNA come out on front of stage. They make funny remarks after every act.
At the end of the MISS Talent, the show will go into intermission.
INTERMISSION
(BACKSTAGE): Art & Crew restore Original Shadowbox+ Light
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation of Women’s award
Act 3 Re-Open of Show TBA
Curtain Opens to Runway Set (AGAIN)
Men’s Bathing Suit (music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS bring ALL Male Contestants Back on Stage at the End for Applause. Men, stay in swimsuit, and be prepared to come back out that way later. Men exit.
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation ofMen’s award
(BACKSTAGE)Tabulation of People’s Choice
KITTY comes up in front of curtain, introduces the last walk of Jenna Tellya.
(No Music Here)
ACT 4 (Last Walk, Awards)
KITTY talks more about HSL then introduce Jenna Tellya
Last Walk Jenna Tellya (__________CD Track#___)
HOSTS: chit-chat.
Then they will then bring all of the Contestants back on stage, as they did in the beginning. (Music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS: give-out the People’s Choice Award.
Crowning (Music tracks TBA ---)
(End of Show)
(BACKSTAGE)Winners/Talent/Producers proceed to Silent Auction Area for handshakes.
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