Stay tuned for tidbits of our exciting "new experiment in adult entertainment"...the Dorothy Laboratory!
As a Tribute to The Atlanta Cotillion benefiting AID Atlanta we present 4 "parties of good mannered repute" and the best in hip "the Dorothy Gale Laboratory."
100% of proceeds tax deductible and benefit AID Atlanta Cotillion 2007!
Reservations: teamedward@yahoo.com
Now booking acts. Nothing distasteful. For information, write to : teamedward@yahoo.com
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Record: The Clock Tower, The Bone Cave, The Flying Machine
“Dévastation”
A Lyric Play
The Clock Tower, The Bone Cave, The Flying Machine
(La Tour d'Horloge, La Caverne d'Os, La Machine Volante)
Synopsis: In the City a momentous achievement---a Clock Tower, with
an ever changing façade of figures celebrating the ironies of Life.
Beyond, the clock workings reveal a parallel world, where
The humor from the front of the clock tower has the exact opposite effect
On the Characters in the back…
Opening: Music fade-up to Prelude
Setting: A farm in Oklahoma. The sky is purple green. The few trees
Which are growing are tossed about. A storm is coming.
SCENE 1 The Disturbance at the Farm
CHORUS
A Lyric Play
The Clock Tower, The Bone Cave, The Flying Machine
(La Tour d'Horloge, La Caverne d'Os, La Machine Volante)
Synopsis: In the City a momentous achievement---a Clock Tower, with
an ever changing façade of figures celebrating the ironies of Life.
Beyond, the clock workings reveal a parallel world, where
The humor from the front of the clock tower has the exact opposite effect
On the Characters in the back…
Opening: Music fade-up to Prelude
Setting: A farm in Oklahoma. The sky is purple green. The few trees
Which are growing are tossed about. A storm is coming.
SCENE 1 The Disturbance at the Farm
CHORUS
Crows! They ride the Western Front!
There goes…the corn and pumpkin!
Damn crows!
FARMER
There goes…the corn and pumpkin!
Damn crows!
FARMER
…wind ‘gonna blow…I hope I’m ready
CHORUS
CHORUS
Crows!
WIFE
WIFE
…John, come inside the shelter!
FARMER
FARMER
…just another minute…wind ‘gonna blow
There goes the dream
CHORUS
There goes the dream
CHORUS
Wind Blows!
Bring Crows!
Devastation!
WIFE
Bring Crows!
Devastation!
WIFE
Get inside, you fool.
FARMER
FARMER
No, This time I’m ready.
SCENE 2 the Flying Machine
The entire proscenium becomes an airship, as we meet our heroine, Captiva.
She is surrounded by uniformed soldiers. Occasionally, the vehicle is rocked
by weather.
OFFICER
We’ve got to find a place to land. This front is too large to go above, or outrun.
CAPTIVA
Must be some place…
SOLDIER
Velocity increasing...
OFFICER
Some place close. We’re losing time to be picky.
SOLDIER
Wind speed has risen 5 knots
CAPTIVA
We’ll be over land soon. There’ll be a place.
OFFICER
If we don’t get pushed into the deep first!
CAPTIVA
Button your lip and fly this damn thing.
OFFICER
Yes Ma’am. (to soldiers) I want full reports!
CAPTIVA
(Looking confident, then privately worried)
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On the clouds I just gave back to you
Wait for me to reach the land
And tell my grandkids
How I escaped you
This storm of the century
Not an air current occurrence
Like I’ve ever seen before…
And I’ve been flying a while
I should know
SOLDIER
Speed continues to increase
OFFICER
Madame, I’m taking us lower
CAPTIVA
Land is just ahead
I can feel it
Yet the smell isn’t to us yet
We’ll hear the waves crashing
The daylight is ‘gonna wait on us, too.
This ship has flown the skies
Before, and knows how
To find a safe berthing
We’ve landed in the dark before
So that’s not an issue
It’s just a freak current occurrence
Like we’ve never seen before
You’ve been flying awhile
You should know.
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On the clouds I just gave back to you
Wait for me to reach the land
And tell my grandkids
How I escaped you
Damn wind!
OFFICER
There…land!
That’s Reef Crater beyond it.
(to soldiers) Take us down into that
Bowl
SOLDIER
Many trees below…It won’t be easy
CAPTIVA
Make it so.
Protect my ship from weather
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On clouds I just gave away
Temporarily give away
And don’t leave much damage in your wake.
OFFICER
That’s a wish! It can’t be so.
(to soldiers) Take us DOWN I say!
SCENE 2 the Flying Machine
The entire proscenium becomes an airship, as we meet our heroine, Captiva.
She is surrounded by uniformed soldiers. Occasionally, the vehicle is rocked
by weather.
OFFICER
We’ve got to find a place to land. This front is too large to go above, or outrun.
CAPTIVA
Must be some place…
SOLDIER
Velocity increasing...
OFFICER
Some place close. We’re losing time to be picky.
SOLDIER
Wind speed has risen 5 knots
CAPTIVA
We’ll be over land soon. There’ll be a place.
OFFICER
If we don’t get pushed into the deep first!
CAPTIVA
Button your lip and fly this damn thing.
OFFICER
Yes Ma’am. (to soldiers) I want full reports!
CAPTIVA
(Looking confident, then privately worried)
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On the clouds I just gave back to you
Wait for me to reach the land
And tell my grandkids
How I escaped you
This storm of the century
Not an air current occurrence
Like I’ve ever seen before…
And I’ve been flying a while
I should know
SOLDIER
Speed continues to increase
OFFICER
Madame, I’m taking us lower
CAPTIVA
Land is just ahead
I can feel it
Yet the smell isn’t to us yet
We’ll hear the waves crashing
The daylight is ‘gonna wait on us, too.
This ship has flown the skies
Before, and knows how
To find a safe berthing
We’ve landed in the dark before
So that’s not an issue
It’s just a freak current occurrence
Like we’ve never seen before
You’ve been flying awhile
You should know.
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On the clouds I just gave back to you
Wait for me to reach the land
And tell my grandkids
How I escaped you
Damn wind!
OFFICER
There…land!
That’s Reef Crater beyond it.
(to soldiers) Take us down into that
Bowl
SOLDIER
Many trees below…It won’t be easy
CAPTIVA
Make it so.
Protect my ship from weather
Wait for me. Wait for me storm…
Let me get out of your way
And on to mine
That’s what I’ll do
Just slip on by
And watch you go flow above me
On clouds I just gave away
Temporarily give away
And don’t leave much damage in your wake.
OFFICER
That’s a wish! It can’t be so.
(to soldiers) Take us DOWN I say!
Scene 3 the Bone Cave
The scene opens with MANNING, a runner, building a fire
in a cave made of tree roots. The beams stretch high to the ceiling, resembling the ribs of a huge, forgotten fish. However, they are real in that they live and breathe like ghost lungs,
offering an omniscent and dogmatic chorus.
MANNING
Damn the rain, no dry wood.
Hardly enough to last the night.
But maybe if I can block the
Sideways rain! (he laughs)
But this whole escape hasn’t been easy
So what’s a little water
And what is that approaching sound?
Maybe an engine
Yes a very LOUD engine
And the screech of equipment
But this is the deep end
Of no where
So what could it be?
And what does it want
Does it want me?
Did it come to find me?
Damn the rain, just small dry wood
What’s with that sound?
And whose engine?
MANNING
Damn the rain, no dry wood.
Hardly enough to last the night.
But maybe if I can block the
Sideways rain! (he laughs)
But this whole escape hasn’t been easy
So what’s a little water
And what is that approaching sound?
Maybe an engine
Yes a very LOUD engine
And the screech of equipment
But this is the deep end
Of no where
So what could it be?
And what does it want
Does it want me?
Did it come to find me?
Damn the rain, just small dry wood
What’s with that sound?
And whose engine?
FRENCH CHORUS (repeat of same)
Condamner la pluie, ne non sécher de bois. A peine assez durer la nuit. Mais peut-être si je peux bloquer la pluie de travers ! Que
est-ce mais cette évasion entière n'a pas été facile Si quel est une petite eau Et qui approche le son ? Que est-ce peut-être un moteur
Oui un moteur très BRUYANT Et le cri aigu d'équipement Mais ceci est la fin profonde De non où Si ce pourrait être ? Et que veut-il le
Fait me veut ? Est-il venu me trouver ? Condamner la pluie, le juste petit bois sec Quel Est avec que solide ? Et dont le moteur ?
MANNING
Damn the rain, no dry wood
CHORUS
Condamner la pluie, ne non sécher de bois.
MANNING
And what is that approaching sound?
CHORUS
Et qui approche le son ?
MANNING\
Damn the rain, Damn that sound!
CHORUS
Que ce pourrait-il être ?
MANNING
Yes, what could it be?
CHORUS
C'est le son de danger
It is the sign of danger
MANNING
…of danger? I am ready!
CHORUS
C'est le son de tinter de cuivre
It is the sound of tinkling brass
That hollow sound of loss and life laid waste!
MANNING
Damn the rain, no dry wood
Damn that sound, those sounds above!
CHORUS
Le Sort dangereux, je suis prêt à faire face à.
MANNING
Dangerous Fate, I’m ready to face.
CHORUS
Le Sort dangereux, je suis prêt à faire face à.
MANNING
Dangerous Fate, I’m ready to face!
Friday, April 13, 2007
Slay them with a Well-Thought Business Presentation
Okay you have a lot to say and you have a limited time slot in which to say it...what to do? Last year three of us made an attempt to get in-house with Keller Williams, and divided our show into three parts. We call this one "Good to Great".
Keller Williams Presentation
Tyana
Good morning.
What a GREAT crowd this is! Did you come for the free bagels?
Me too. Me too.
Seriously, I am Tyana Crowe with the Persily & Associates Law Firm.
We’re honored that you have invited us here today.
Please note we’re wearing Keller Red!
This is a friendly way of showing our ongoing commitment to Keller Williams.
Plus we wanted you to see us coming!
That’s because we know that Keller Williams and the Persily Law Firm are both growing forces in the Georgia Real Estate Community.
Your color is RED, and ours is Blue.
We’re two American companies striving for superb customer service, integrity within our industry, and repeat real estate transactions!
To do that we also are like you---we hire the right people!
But our boss makes sure of that. Seth Persily serves as the Managing Partner for our firm. He is a Harvard Law Graduate and worked at Sutherland, Asbil and Brennan before opening his own practice in 2002. Realizing early-on that his company could do it better, Seth became determined to change the landscape of the Closing Industry As We Know It.
Seth
Hi I’m Seth Persily.
Poof the industry is changed!
You and I both wish it were that simple, right?
We are here today to touch upon some of the things BOTH of our companies are doing to make buying the American Dream easier and less stressful for ALL.
Gone are the days of good service, it seems, much less GREAT service.
Gone are the kind voices which bellow “Welcome. May I help you?” Or even these alien phrases after a purchase “…Thank you. We’re glad you came. Please come again.”
These words are still spoken daily at our two businesses. We know that great service means you and I will get repeat business. AND referrals. People talk. Atlanta can be a real small town when it comes to real estate buying and selling. Hopefully they will tell their friends about Keller Williams and come back for their investment properties! I hope so.
And---like you---we at Persily & Associates have repeat customers. After experiencing great service, people don’t want to use anyone else!
Today we’re here to make a business proposal so that we may bring Persily Law into your Keller Williams locations. To do this, we have a solid plan to share with you today.
For the opportunity to work within the KW Intown office, we are happy to pay $3,000/month rent and earmark an additional $1,200/month towards marketing and making KW Intown agents happier and more industrious.
I myself will conduct a monthly lunch-and-learn on such topics as Conveyances by Legal Entities, 1031 Exchanges, and Ethical Issues Facing Real Estate Agents. We will also sponsor a Guest Lecture Series with our business associates on such topics as Fraud Detection & Prevention by Lawyer’s Title Company, and Understanding the Title Abstraction Process by Attorney Title Services.
In addition, for those agents who are interested, we will replicate our very popular in-house “Good to Great” book discussion series. (Say something about the book, while Tyana and Ray pass out copies)
Ray
Good morning, I am Ray Macon, Client Relations Manager for Persily Law.
I’m lucky in that I get to meet Keller Williams agents throughout the city. They are ALL my Clients. I want to play a short phone messaged I received this summer from Scott Eaves, one of your Keller Agents located in Hapeville:
(play tape) "...Ray, I just left your office, and I have never had better service or been morerelaxed at a closing. I will use your company again and again."
Scott is a terrific individual, and that was a very kind message.
Okay so what about the PERKS? We are all-about the Perks for the Keller Offices!
We will commit to make KW Intown agents more content, productive, and successful. Among the events we will sponsor are Second Monday Massages in the office by a licensed massage therapist, monthly Mix-and-Mingle Happy Hours, a Holiday Party for agents and their families at the Four Seasons 50th Floor Skyroom, a Wine Tasting Party, and Listing Parties for individual agents selling specific homes.
Persily & Associates will staff KW Intown at all times with an attorney (who will be made a Persily & Associates partner to help ensure stability and accountability) and a client relations support specialist. In addition, Seth himself will be present to help oversee the satellite office and conduct closings. We will provide computers (which will be fully integrated with our main office), fax and copy machines, and, of course, plenty of fine chocolates for the closing room.
As is the Persily tradition, wrapped champagne bottles are given to both Buyers and Seller at the end of each closing.
Seth
We currently conduct 50-70 closings per month. We consider our staff to be the most likable and competent in the city, currently comprised of 5 contract attorneys, 4 paralegals, 2 client relations specialists, and one in-house title abstracter who can provide next-day title searches.
We invest in the latest technologies, and our infrastructure allows for seamless integration between our main office and a satellite office; should the staff at our satellite office ever become overwhelmed, our main office will be able to step in as if they were personally present.
In addition, we carry the latest version of LandTech (allowing us to provide Settlement Statements via email), “never-busy-signal” fax lines, and client relations cell phones for 24-hour availability.
We do not currently have an alliance in another real estate office, which is why this is such a significant opportunity for us. We are very excited to go “above and beyond” what has ever been done before to ensure that the KW Intown satellite office is a tremendous success.
Tyana
Now we’d like to open the floor for questions.
Keller Williams Presentation
Tyana
Good morning.
What a GREAT crowd this is! Did you come for the free bagels?
Me too. Me too.
Seriously, I am Tyana Crowe with the Persily & Associates Law Firm.
We’re honored that you have invited us here today.
Please note we’re wearing Keller Red!
This is a friendly way of showing our ongoing commitment to Keller Williams.
Plus we wanted you to see us coming!
That’s because we know that Keller Williams and the Persily Law Firm are both growing forces in the Georgia Real Estate Community.
Your color is RED, and ours is Blue.
We’re two American companies striving for superb customer service, integrity within our industry, and repeat real estate transactions!
To do that we also are like you---we hire the right people!
But our boss makes sure of that. Seth Persily serves as the Managing Partner for our firm. He is a Harvard Law Graduate and worked at Sutherland, Asbil and Brennan before opening his own practice in 2002. Realizing early-on that his company could do it better, Seth became determined to change the landscape of the Closing Industry As We Know It.
Seth
Hi I’m Seth Persily.
Poof the industry is changed!
You and I both wish it were that simple, right?
We are here today to touch upon some of the things BOTH of our companies are doing to make buying the American Dream easier and less stressful for ALL.
Gone are the days of good service, it seems, much less GREAT service.
Gone are the kind voices which bellow “Welcome. May I help you?” Or even these alien phrases after a purchase “…Thank you. We’re glad you came. Please come again.”
These words are still spoken daily at our two businesses. We know that great service means you and I will get repeat business. AND referrals. People talk. Atlanta can be a real small town when it comes to real estate buying and selling. Hopefully they will tell their friends about Keller Williams and come back for their investment properties! I hope so.
And---like you---we at Persily & Associates have repeat customers. After experiencing great service, people don’t want to use anyone else!
Today we’re here to make a business proposal so that we may bring Persily Law into your Keller Williams locations. To do this, we have a solid plan to share with you today.
For the opportunity to work within the KW Intown office, we are happy to pay $3,000/month rent and earmark an additional $1,200/month towards marketing and making KW Intown agents happier and more industrious.
I myself will conduct a monthly lunch-and-learn on such topics as Conveyances by Legal Entities, 1031 Exchanges, and Ethical Issues Facing Real Estate Agents. We will also sponsor a Guest Lecture Series with our business associates on such topics as Fraud Detection & Prevention by Lawyer’s Title Company, and Understanding the Title Abstraction Process by Attorney Title Services.
In addition, for those agents who are interested, we will replicate our very popular in-house “Good to Great” book discussion series. (Say something about the book, while Tyana and Ray pass out copies)
Ray
Good morning, I am Ray Macon, Client Relations Manager for Persily Law.
I’m lucky in that I get to meet Keller Williams agents throughout the city. They are ALL my Clients. I want to play a short phone messaged I received this summer from Scott Eaves, one of your Keller Agents located in Hapeville:
(play tape) "...Ray, I just left your office, and I have never had better service or been morerelaxed at a closing. I will use your company again and again."
Scott is a terrific individual, and that was a very kind message.
Okay so what about the PERKS? We are all-about the Perks for the Keller Offices!
We will commit to make KW Intown agents more content, productive, and successful. Among the events we will sponsor are Second Monday Massages in the office by a licensed massage therapist, monthly Mix-and-Mingle Happy Hours, a Holiday Party for agents and their families at the Four Seasons 50th Floor Skyroom, a Wine Tasting Party, and Listing Parties for individual agents selling specific homes.
Persily & Associates will staff KW Intown at all times with an attorney (who will be made a Persily & Associates partner to help ensure stability and accountability) and a client relations support specialist. In addition, Seth himself will be present to help oversee the satellite office and conduct closings. We will provide computers (which will be fully integrated with our main office), fax and copy machines, and, of course, plenty of fine chocolates for the closing room.
As is the Persily tradition, wrapped champagne bottles are given to both Buyers and Seller at the end of each closing.
Seth
We currently conduct 50-70 closings per month. We consider our staff to be the most likable and competent in the city, currently comprised of 5 contract attorneys, 4 paralegals, 2 client relations specialists, and one in-house title abstracter who can provide next-day title searches.
We invest in the latest technologies, and our infrastructure allows for seamless integration between our main office and a satellite office; should the staff at our satellite office ever become overwhelmed, our main office will be able to step in as if they were personally present.
In addition, we carry the latest version of LandTech (allowing us to provide Settlement Statements via email), “never-busy-signal” fax lines, and client relations cell phones for 24-hour availability.
We do not currently have an alliance in another real estate office, which is why this is such a significant opportunity for us. We are very excited to go “above and beyond” what has ever been done before to ensure that the KW Intown satellite office is a tremendous success.
Tyana
Now we’d like to open the floor for questions.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Write a Bawdy Comedy Show
Until 2006 I had the privilege of writing and co-producing three successful fundraiser "pageant" shows for the Hotlanta Softball League (at that time the second largest NAGAAA adult league in the USA).
We produced Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol, HSL Penthouse Party (a tribute to Henry Mancini) and HSL Project Runaway ( a parody of Bravo TV's Project Runway).
Idol was, expected, a take on the American Idol phenomenon which had the country stuck by its goose pemples.
Our parody show was a great success, earning more than any previous show. I had my partner, Ron Leathers, to thank for his genius set design--- a perfect American Idol set! Built with the passion of a true fan, with no doubt!
Also Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol was the last major sports club show produced at the infamous Backstreet Atlanta club in 2004.
A bulldozer took that club in 2005.
---------------------
That year, we had (what a Midtown queen would call) a whimsical musical logistical nightmare.
With a cast of 30 (every team wanted in the show) and back-up dancers/casts totalling 72, we needed a piece of music we could use to "bump-in" and "bump-out" of scenes.
The DJ was already angry that he had to play 15 different scene CDs!
So Denton Graham, notorious as Kitty Kari-All, insisted we all take a serious ear to the recent Henri Mancini Anniversary Compilation Pink Panther's Penthouse Party album. It was incredible.
We later adapted the show around the music.
Our premise was this: "...what if the best members of the best sports club in the U.S. came up to the best penthouse in the town for a party? What---or who--- would they be wearing?
Posters for the show read something like:
I came across the scripts to the show open of Project Runaway. I wanted you to see how bawdy writing has to be to appear comical for an adult crowd!
HSL Project RUNaWAY 2005
PRELUDE Show CD TRACK______)
(BACKSTAGE) Smoke machine starts behind Shadowbox.
ACT 1 (RUNWAY)
(OPENING NUMBER)
Curtain closed (SHOW CD TRACK #1 ) (:00 TRT)
(OFF STAGE) At cue, curtain will open just enough to give way for the Shadowbox, and an entrance/exit space.
Art’s voice on microphone will introduce Kitty, in Shadowbox…
…Then Art introduces Gary Durden, behind Denton in Shadowbox with a knife.
BOTH HOSTS walk out of the Shadowbox to the runway. They then will go off stage______ and immediately begin introducing the Presentation Contestants.
(HOSTS please keep the introductions as short as possible, and talk in the same place every time, so the DJ can raise and lower the volume of the music. (Note: DO NOT, for ANY REASON, ask the DJ to stop the music for the Contestants/Between the Contestants.)
KITTY: Contestant #1_______________________
JENNA: Contestant #2 From the ___________team….
ETC.
When the last Contestant is introduced, the music will fade.
Kitty & Jenna say “hello” and welcome to the show, talk about this fundraiser, and the purpose of the tip buckets.
KITTY: Now it’s time to meet your show producers and judges…(introduce the Production Team of McCracken-Macon. Please mention 2003’s “Who Will Be The Next Hotlanta Idol?” and 2004’s “HSL Penthouse Party”)
KITTY and JENNA exit, change slightly for Women’s Talent)
Kitchen & RR chit-chat about the Hotlanta Softball League
The 2005 Show Committee, then introduce Judges.
(BACKSTAGE) Women’s Talent #1 is READY.
RR & Kitch re-intro Gary & Denton (SHOW CD Track)
KITTY & JENNA enter thru side of curtains, then chit-chat about the couture show they have just seen, and what is coming-up. Re-establish TIP BUCKET policies…
Curtain OPENS For Women’s Contestant #1_____
ACT 2 TALENT
Women’s TALENT begins
(See OTHER SHEET for Act CDs & Track #s)
There will be 16 different CDs lined correctly in SHOEBOX.)
(KITTY & JENNA come out on front of stage. They make funny remarks after every act.
At the end of the MISS Talent, the show will go into intermission.
INTERMISSION
(BACKSTAGE): Art & Crew restore Original Shadowbox+ Light
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation of Women’s award
Act 3 Re-Open of Show TBA
Curtain Opens to Runway Set (AGAIN)
Men’s Bathing Suit (music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS bring ALL Male Contestants Back on Stage at the End for Applause. Men, stay in swimsuit, and be prepared to come back out that way later. Men exit.
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation ofMen’s award
(BACKSTAGE)Tabulation of People’s Choice
KITTY comes up in front of curtain, introduces the last walk of Jenna Tellya.
(No Music Here)
ACT 4 (Last Walk, Awards)
KITTY talks more about HSL then introduce Jenna Tellya
Last Walk Jenna Tellya (__________CD Track#___)
HOSTS: chit-chat.
Then they will then bring all of the Contestants back on stage, as they did in the beginning. (Music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS: give-out the People’s Choice Award.
Crowning (Music tracks TBA ---)
(End of Show)
(BACKSTAGE)Winners/Talent/Producers proceed to Silent Auction Area for handshakes.
We produced Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol, HSL Penthouse Party (a tribute to Henry Mancini) and HSL Project Runaway ( a parody of Bravo TV's Project Runway).
Idol was, expected, a take on the American Idol phenomenon which had the country stuck by its goose pemples.
Our parody show was a great success, earning more than any previous show. I had my partner, Ron Leathers, to thank for his genius set design--- a perfect American Idol set! Built with the passion of a true fan, with no doubt!
Also Who Will Be the Next Hotlanta Idol was the last major sports club show produced at the infamous Backstreet Atlanta club in 2004.
A bulldozer took that club in 2005.
---------------------
That year, we had (what a Midtown queen would call) a whimsical musical logistical nightmare.
With a cast of 30 (every team wanted in the show) and back-up dancers/casts totalling 72, we needed a piece of music we could use to "bump-in" and "bump-out" of scenes.
The DJ was already angry that he had to play 15 different scene CDs!
So Denton Graham, notorious as Kitty Kari-All, insisted we all take a serious ear to the recent Henri Mancini Anniversary Compilation Pink Panther's Penthouse Party album. It was incredible.
We later adapted the show around the music.
Our premise was this: "...what if the best members of the best sports club in the U.S. came up to the best penthouse in the town for a party? What---or who--- would they be wearing?
Posters for the show read something like:
"High above the clouds, haute' couture and character assassination..."
Denton borrowed sets and my crew built a realistic and modern elevator. Our moment of glory came and went as the curtain opened.
What a trophy, the stage looked like the most swanky penthouse you had ever seen!Do I need mention the best looking people were in the show?
Denton borrowed sets and my crew built a realistic and modern elevator. Our moment of glory came and went as the curtain opened.
What a trophy, the stage looked like the most swanky penthouse you had ever seen!Do I need mention the best looking people were in the show?
----------------------
Anyway, a zillion ideas forward and pat myself on the back for my volunteer work and patience. What's that? ...keep working, eh?
I came across the scripts to the show open of Project Runaway. I wanted you to see how bawdy writing has to be to appear comical for an adult crowd!
PRESENTATION
Script
Please welcome Contestant Number 1,
Tim Word of the B Division Xtreme Team.
Yeah, that’s Kitchen’s Guys.
Obviously someone on the team is
Hogging all the food.
Tim is appearing tonight as “SHY BOY”
He’s also very friendly at the fields.
Look at that chest!
That’s Hunk Contestant Number 1, SHY BOY.
And here comes Contestant #1 for the “MISS”
That’s really Myron of the C Division Steel.
Here, she appears as RuPauls’ Evil Step Sister, RE-CALL.
They may Re-Call RUPAUL next!
RuPaul would BEAT YOU DOWN Girl.
We asked ReCall about her “model diet” …
She says she owes her body to Magnum Extra Larges,
K-Y Jelly, Silicone, and a VASECTOMY.
VASECTOMY? Men HATE that word…
Get ‘Outta Here RECALL!
Now time for MORE MEN’S!
Presenting Hunk Derek of the B Division Sluggers.
He’s Mr. Hunk #2.
He calls himself “D-NASTY”
As in---- “doin’ the nasty?”
Derek says his Coach made him appear in tonight’s pageant because everyone else on his team is UGLY.
SAD, really…
Emerson, you need to draft more like Derek!
That’s D-NASTY of the Sluggers.
Women’s Contestant Number 2 is a familiar face.
That’s 2003’s Mr. Hunk, Mike Crocker, a Coach of the Atlanta Venom A Division Team…
How FAR we FALL, Honey.
Tonight she’s “SHELITA CORNDOG”…
…whatever the Hell that implies…
Of course she’ll eat a corndog!
Shelita pizza, shelita sausage!
But CORNDOG? Her mother was cruel.
Shelita said when she was a teenage child
She had her “monthly time” and a
Family of Cats followed her to school.
Men’s Contestant Number 3 is
Michael of the C Division Steel
He’s called “Mr. FINESSE”…
…and YES! He’s known for his
uh…endowment.
He refers to it as “the SCHLONG”.
He says it often slips out of his shorts
While exercising at the gym.
What gym is that again???
“MISS” Contestant Number 3 is Peter, of the
NEW D Division Team, The Eagle Talons.
She’s called “P-LO TOPASS”
And she’s got the greatest hobby.
P-LO told the show producers he like to
Sit and eat ice cream while
Watching rainbows.
So sickeningly sweet, I could die!
She’s been imported from the far away planet
Of Puerto Rico.
Please give another hand for P-LO TOPASS!
Next year she should take my cram course on
Picking a good drag name!
Coming in NEXT is Hunk Contestant Number 4.
He’s quite a man.
That’s Venom’s BRIAN as
“MR. HOSSIER DADDY.”
Yep, he’s from the country of Indiana.
His model diet consists of beer and sugar packets.
He says he once got kicked-out of a softball tournament for telling the Umpire he “had a nice box.”
Uh…OH!
That’s Brian, as “Hossier Daddy”.
Naughty Daddy, naughty!
For Miss Number 4 we have a former
Porn actress who once slept with RON JEREMY.
She’s really called Tony, but tonight
Please welcome the scandalous “MISS CARRIAGE”.
She’s a country lass…with chickens and goats at home.
The real kind.
Her model diet consists of Little Debbie Cakes and sweet tea.
She said she went to a seedy Nashville night club once
And had sex with KITCHEN.
Girl---some things are best kept secret!!!
Let’s have more MEN!
Here comes Contestant Number 5, Hunk KYLE, as “RAMSHACK RAMSEY”.
Sexy man, that name sounds dirty!!!!
He normally has vodka for dinner and an occasional Tic-Tac.
Kyle says he’s played with HSL for 2 years, and
He used to date Walter from last year’s show.
You didn’t want to borrow Walter’s chaps?
Welcome Kyle as RAMSHACK RAMSEY.
That’s Miss Contestant #5
She’s Jason of the Blue Knights Team
This year she’s called “TINA TOOTIN”
Really she gets the Susan Lucci Award
For being in this pageant 20 out of 21 times.
When asked by the producers to name
Something UNIQUE about herself, she said
“I have THREE nipples.”
Please don’t show us.
Next we have Mr. Hunk #6
That’s Neon John as the DIGITAL COWBOY
Neon is the HSL Webmaster
And all-around computer geek!
We love her.
He’s got landing lights on the inside of his
Hairy legs!
John plays for the D Division
Whackers Team, as Short Stop.
Contestant Number 6, Hunk John, as the Digital Cowboy…
Miss Contestant #6 looks a lot like a real woman
But the Whackers drafted her before taking a
Look at her cup…or lack of a cup!
That’s Stacey as LEZZIE MCGUIRE.
LEZZIE as in comfortable shoes?
For the first time in our 21 year history,
A real woman up for MISS HSL.
The times, they are a changin’!
More men, More Men!
Contestant #7 is no stranger to HSL
That’s Hunk Jim Fox as “RIDE ‘EM COWBOY”
He’s also Bam-Bam’s other half.
In fact, when the producers asked him about his diet, he said he “…eats all Bam-Bam, all the time.”
Now I’m gonna heave.
You’re looking at RIDE ‘EM COWBOY…
…Hunk Jim, sponsored by the D Division Cowboys.
Our MISS Contestant Number 7 is
Gary, of the C Division Grizzlies.
She’s called “FREDA LAY”
Freda says she’s on the Karen Carpenter diet.
She’s a model because she says she’s not qualified to do anything else.
Freda Lay has been a member of HSL for 5 years.
Men’s Number 8 is up next!
He’s a newby to HSL…
Yes, a show virgin.
That’s Hunk Dustin of the C Division Sharks as “EAZY D. LITE”
He looks easy. He looks lite.
This just might work!
He says his diet goes like this---Eat in Public, throw-up in private! Duuuuuhhhh!
Eazy D. says he wanted to be a model since the first time he tried on Momma’s underwear.
Welcome our last Hunk Contestant, DUSTIN, as Eazy D. Lite.
MISS Contestant Number 8 was in this contest last year.
That’s Shawn of the D Division Stingrays.
She’s really called “SHAWNDRA LEER.”
Shawndra says “Move over bitches, momma is here.”
She never gets embarrassed.
Her model diet is a simple formula…
…One bump of Tina for breakfast, two bumps of Whitney for Lunch, and a sensible Chicklet for dinner.
Contestant Number 8, SHAWNDRA LEER.
Last and Least is the great granddaughter of Constance Le Cruising…
By day he’s CLIFF of the D-Division ROOKS team.
By night, he’s CHERRI COLA.
This is his first year in HSL.
Cherri says she’s got the 3-F’s going for her: FABULOUS, FIERCE, and FRISKY.
She says three days before a pageant or photo shoot she eats nothing but Ex-Lax and Water.
Please welcome Cherrie Cola.
(HOSTS: BRING EVERYONE BACK OUT on STAGE EXCEPT first 2 women contestants!!!)
And that’s PRESENTATION!
(Welcome Guests, welcome to HSL, welcome your show Production team of Macon-McCracken)
--------------------------
Script
Please welcome Contestant Number 1,
Tim Word of the B Division Xtreme Team.
Yeah, that’s Kitchen’s Guys.
Obviously someone on the team is
Hogging all the food.
Tim is appearing tonight as “SHY BOY”
He’s also very friendly at the fields.
Look at that chest!
That’s Hunk Contestant Number 1, SHY BOY.
And here comes Contestant #1 for the “MISS”
That’s really Myron of the C Division Steel.
Here, she appears as RuPauls’ Evil Step Sister, RE-CALL.
They may Re-Call RUPAUL next!
RuPaul would BEAT YOU DOWN Girl.
We asked ReCall about her “model diet” …
She says she owes her body to Magnum Extra Larges,
K-Y Jelly, Silicone, and a VASECTOMY.
VASECTOMY? Men HATE that word…
Get ‘Outta Here RECALL!
Now time for MORE MEN’S!
Presenting Hunk Derek of the B Division Sluggers.
He’s Mr. Hunk #2.
He calls himself “D-NASTY”
As in---- “doin’ the nasty?”
Derek says his Coach made him appear in tonight’s pageant because everyone else on his team is UGLY.
SAD, really…
Emerson, you need to draft more like Derek!
That’s D-NASTY of the Sluggers.
Women’s Contestant Number 2 is a familiar face.
That’s 2003’s Mr. Hunk, Mike Crocker, a Coach of the Atlanta Venom A Division Team…
How FAR we FALL, Honey.
Tonight she’s “SHELITA CORNDOG”…
…whatever the Hell that implies…
Of course she’ll eat a corndog!
Shelita pizza, shelita sausage!
But CORNDOG? Her mother was cruel.
Shelita said when she was a teenage child
She had her “monthly time” and a
Family of Cats followed her to school.
Men’s Contestant Number 3 is
Michael of the C Division Steel
He’s called “Mr. FINESSE”…
…and YES! He’s known for his
uh…endowment.
He refers to it as “the SCHLONG”.
He says it often slips out of his shorts
While exercising at the gym.
What gym is that again???
“MISS” Contestant Number 3 is Peter, of the
NEW D Division Team, The Eagle Talons.
She’s called “P-LO TOPASS”
And she’s got the greatest hobby.
P-LO told the show producers he like to
Sit and eat ice cream while
Watching rainbows.
So sickeningly sweet, I could die!
She’s been imported from the far away planet
Of Puerto Rico.
Please give another hand for P-LO TOPASS!
Next year she should take my cram course on
Picking a good drag name!
Coming in NEXT is Hunk Contestant Number 4.
He’s quite a man.
That’s Venom’s BRIAN as
“MR. HOSSIER DADDY.”
Yep, he’s from the country of Indiana.
His model diet consists of beer and sugar packets.
He says he once got kicked-out of a softball tournament for telling the Umpire he “had a nice box.”
Uh…OH!
That’s Brian, as “Hossier Daddy”.
Naughty Daddy, naughty!
For Miss Number 4 we have a former
Porn actress who once slept with RON JEREMY.
She’s really called Tony, but tonight
Please welcome the scandalous “MISS CARRIAGE”.
She’s a country lass…with chickens and goats at home.
The real kind.
Her model diet consists of Little Debbie Cakes and sweet tea.
She said she went to a seedy Nashville night club once
And had sex with KITCHEN.
Girl---some things are best kept secret!!!
Let’s have more MEN!
Here comes Contestant Number 5, Hunk KYLE, as “RAMSHACK RAMSEY”.
Sexy man, that name sounds dirty!!!!
He normally has vodka for dinner and an occasional Tic-Tac.
Kyle says he’s played with HSL for 2 years, and
He used to date Walter from last year’s show.
You didn’t want to borrow Walter’s chaps?
Welcome Kyle as RAMSHACK RAMSEY.
That’s Miss Contestant #5
She’s Jason of the Blue Knights Team
This year she’s called “TINA TOOTIN”
Really she gets the Susan Lucci Award
For being in this pageant 20 out of 21 times.
When asked by the producers to name
Something UNIQUE about herself, she said
“I have THREE nipples.”
Please don’t show us.
Next we have Mr. Hunk #6
That’s Neon John as the DIGITAL COWBOY
Neon is the HSL Webmaster
And all-around computer geek!
We love her.
He’s got landing lights on the inside of his
Hairy legs!
John plays for the D Division
Whackers Team, as Short Stop.
Contestant Number 6, Hunk John, as the Digital Cowboy…
Miss Contestant #6 looks a lot like a real woman
But the Whackers drafted her before taking a
Look at her cup…or lack of a cup!
That’s Stacey as LEZZIE MCGUIRE.
LEZZIE as in comfortable shoes?
For the first time in our 21 year history,
A real woman up for MISS HSL.
The times, they are a changin’!
More men, More Men!
Contestant #7 is no stranger to HSL
That’s Hunk Jim Fox as “RIDE ‘EM COWBOY”
He’s also Bam-Bam’s other half.
In fact, when the producers asked him about his diet, he said he “…eats all Bam-Bam, all the time.”
Now I’m gonna heave.
You’re looking at RIDE ‘EM COWBOY…
…Hunk Jim, sponsored by the D Division Cowboys.
Our MISS Contestant Number 7 is
Gary, of the C Division Grizzlies.
She’s called “FREDA LAY”
Freda says she’s on the Karen Carpenter diet.
She’s a model because she says she’s not qualified to do anything else.
Freda Lay has been a member of HSL for 5 years.
Men’s Number 8 is up next!
He’s a newby to HSL…
Yes, a show virgin.
That’s Hunk Dustin of the C Division Sharks as “EAZY D. LITE”
He looks easy. He looks lite.
This just might work!
He says his diet goes like this---Eat in Public, throw-up in private! Duuuuuhhhh!
Eazy D. says he wanted to be a model since the first time he tried on Momma’s underwear.
Welcome our last Hunk Contestant, DUSTIN, as Eazy D. Lite.
MISS Contestant Number 8 was in this contest last year.
That’s Shawn of the D Division Stingrays.
She’s really called “SHAWNDRA LEER.”
Shawndra says “Move over bitches, momma is here.”
She never gets embarrassed.
Her model diet is a simple formula…
…One bump of Tina for breakfast, two bumps of Whitney for Lunch, and a sensible Chicklet for dinner.
Contestant Number 8, SHAWNDRA LEER.
Last and Least is the great granddaughter of Constance Le Cruising…
By day he’s CLIFF of the D-Division ROOKS team.
By night, he’s CHERRI COLA.
This is his first year in HSL.
Cherri says she’s got the 3-F’s going for her: FABULOUS, FIERCE, and FRISKY.
She says three days before a pageant or photo shoot she eats nothing but Ex-Lax and Water.
Please welcome Cherrie Cola.
(HOSTS: BRING EVERYONE BACK OUT on STAGE EXCEPT first 2 women contestants!!!)
And that’s PRESENTATION!
(Welcome Guests, welcome to HSL, welcome your show Production team of Macon-McCracken)
--------------------------
Run of Show Follows:
HSL Project RUNaWAY 2005
PRELUDE Show CD TRACK______)
(BACKSTAGE) Smoke machine starts behind Shadowbox.
ACT 1 (RUNWAY)
(OPENING NUMBER)
Curtain closed (SHOW CD TRACK #1 ) (:00 TRT)
(OFF STAGE) At cue, curtain will open just enough to give way for the Shadowbox, and an entrance/exit space.
Art’s voice on microphone will introduce Kitty, in Shadowbox…
…Then Art introduces Gary Durden, behind Denton in Shadowbox with a knife.
BOTH HOSTS walk out of the Shadowbox to the runway. They then will go off stage______ and immediately begin introducing the Presentation Contestants.
(HOSTS please keep the introductions as short as possible, and talk in the same place every time, so the DJ can raise and lower the volume of the music. (Note: DO NOT, for ANY REASON, ask the DJ to stop the music for the Contestants/Between the Contestants.)
KITTY: Contestant #1_______________________
JENNA: Contestant #2 From the ___________team….
ETC.
When the last Contestant is introduced, the music will fade.
Kitty & Jenna say “hello” and welcome to the show, talk about this fundraiser, and the purpose of the tip buckets.
KITTY: Now it’s time to meet your show producers and judges…(introduce the Production Team of McCracken-Macon. Please mention 2003’s “Who Will Be The Next Hotlanta Idol?” and 2004’s “HSL Penthouse Party”)
KITTY and JENNA exit, change slightly for Women’s Talent)
Kitchen & RR chit-chat about the Hotlanta Softball League
The 2005 Show Committee, then introduce Judges.
(BACKSTAGE) Women’s Talent #1 is READY.
RR & Kitch re-intro Gary & Denton (SHOW CD Track)
KITTY & JENNA enter thru side of curtains, then chit-chat about the couture show they have just seen, and what is coming-up. Re-establish TIP BUCKET policies…
Curtain OPENS For Women’s Contestant #1_____
ACT 2 TALENT
Women’s TALENT begins
(See OTHER SHEET for Act CDs & Track #s)
There will be 16 different CDs lined correctly in SHOEBOX.)
(KITTY & JENNA come out on front of stage. They make funny remarks after every act.
At the end of the MISS Talent, the show will go into intermission.
INTERMISSION
(BACKSTAGE): Art & Crew restore Original Shadowbox+ Light
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation of Women’s award
Act 3 Re-Open of Show TBA
Curtain Opens to Runway Set (AGAIN)
Men’s Bathing Suit (music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS bring ALL Male Contestants Back on Stage at the End for Applause. Men, stay in swimsuit, and be prepared to come back out that way later. Men exit.
(BACKSTAGE) Tabulation ofMen’s award
(BACKSTAGE)Tabulation of People’s Choice
KITTY comes up in front of curtain, introduces the last walk of Jenna Tellya.
(No Music Here)
ACT 4 (Last Walk, Awards)
KITTY talks more about HSL then introduce Jenna Tellya
Last Walk Jenna Tellya (__________CD Track#___)
HOSTS: chit-chat.
Then they will then bring all of the Contestants back on stage, as they did in the beginning. (Music Tracks TBA repeat if necessary)
HOSTS: give-out the People’s Choice Award.
Crowning (Music tracks TBA ---)
(End of Show)
(BACKSTAGE)Winners/Talent/Producers proceed to Silent Auction Area for handshakes.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Should I Self Publish?
Self Publishing must be the topic of the month because instances of it keep coming across my desk!
Thanks to my Writers Group, I got the best link, with tips on how to submit manuscripts for Self Publishing.
Setting the process up takes a while, and is a bit costly. But depending on your project, it might be a viable option.
As an experiement, I'm going to ask around and see if my local writer friends have done this.
The only two people I know who have Self Published include my boss and a dead guy. The former Self Published to save himself the pain of shopping it around. The later passed away and his partner and mother made sure that his story Lightning Bug Land got a fair treatment. It is wonderful, and I wish you could read it.
Here's the helpful site: http://www.coldtreepress.com/publish/moreinfo.html#manu .
Thanks to my Writers Group, I got the best link, with tips on how to submit manuscripts for Self Publishing.
Setting the process up takes a while, and is a bit costly. But depending on your project, it might be a viable option.
As an experiement, I'm going to ask around and see if my local writer friends have done this.
The only two people I know who have Self Published include my boss and a dead guy. The former Self Published to save himself the pain of shopping it around. The later passed away and his partner and mother made sure that his story Lightning Bug Land got a fair treatment. It is wonderful, and I wish you could read it.
Here's the helpful site: http://www.coldtreepress.com/publish/moreinfo.html#manu .
Monday, April 2, 2007
Revamp Your Web Site With These Ideas
Your web site can make money. It's really possible.
The trouble? We are all familiar with our own sites, which makes it pretty easy to miss the obvious problems. Are people getting enough out of your site? Does it overwhelm with one element or the other?
We renovated a friend's site over the weekend. She is a very smart client who had a lot more information on the site than was needed. She agreed a lot of what she listed was there simply as a "...journal for her own research".
I told her "...we want shoppers to come to the site...give them a tease at what your company can do for them...then find a way to gather their information for follow-up."
These are the tips I gave her:
A. Strengthen overall "look" of site.
B. Edit the writing.
C. Add better graphics or less common font styles. Free fonts at:(http://simplythebest.net/fonts/)*
D. Add visual elements (photographs) Free photos at: (http://www.flickr.com)**
To do this yourself, print each page of your web based site.
1. Go through it and find the blank spaces and mark them with boxes. These will represent all of the "wasted space" on your site. Could these be strengthened with visual elements?
2. Now identify all font problems. Is the font too small? Too boring? Could the style be changed to reflect more energy or readability? Just try visiting a site offering "free fonts"* and you will see hundreds of choices available.
3. Most of us overwrite. By this I mean "...we write TOO MUCH." On several of my friend's paragraphs I even wrote "...too deep." This is because she was including concepts and theorems the common person would not understand. Most of the materials related to courses she offers. I convinced her to include these in the form of "Download a Syllabus" keys.
4. Now go to the free photograph site** and put in a key word relating to your site. You will probably see hundreds of photographs you can use free of charge. You've heard the cliche' '...one picture is worth a thousand words'. That truism continues to be heard because one photo can say what hundreds of words cannot.
At CNN video edit supervisors used to say "...we have more of a power to mislead people than to lead them." That is because when dealing in the visual realm, your choices are limitless. However, whether or not the chosen photograph or graphic confuses the viewer is a different story!
Experiment with these additions, then re-print the new design a couple days later and take a fresh look. Hopefully, you will increase your traffic on the site!
The trouble? We are all familiar with our own sites, which makes it pretty easy to miss the obvious problems. Are people getting enough out of your site? Does it overwhelm with one element or the other?
We renovated a friend's site over the weekend. She is a very smart client who had a lot more information on the site than was needed. She agreed a lot of what she listed was there simply as a "...journal for her own research".
I told her "...we want shoppers to come to the site...give them a tease at what your company can do for them...then find a way to gather their information for follow-up."
These are the tips I gave her:
A. Strengthen overall "look" of site.
B. Edit the writing.
C. Add better graphics or less common font styles. Free fonts at:(http://simplythebest.net/fonts/)*
D. Add visual elements (photographs) Free photos at: (http://www.flickr.com)**
To do this yourself, print each page of your web based site.
1. Go through it and find the blank spaces and mark them with boxes. These will represent all of the "wasted space" on your site. Could these be strengthened with visual elements?
2. Now identify all font problems. Is the font too small? Too boring? Could the style be changed to reflect more energy or readability? Just try visiting a site offering "free fonts"* and you will see hundreds of choices available.
3. Most of us overwrite. By this I mean "...we write TOO MUCH." On several of my friend's paragraphs I even wrote "...too deep." This is because she was including concepts and theorems the common person would not understand. Most of the materials related to courses she offers. I convinced her to include these in the form of "Download a Syllabus" keys.
4. Now go to the free photograph site** and put in a key word relating to your site. You will probably see hundreds of photographs you can use free of charge. You've heard the cliche' '...one picture is worth a thousand words'. That truism continues to be heard because one photo can say what hundreds of words cannot.
At CNN video edit supervisors used to say "...we have more of a power to mislead people than to lead them." That is because when dealing in the visual realm, your choices are limitless. However, whether or not the chosen photograph or graphic confuses the viewer is a different story!
Experiment with these additions, then re-print the new design a couple days later and take a fresh look. Hopefully, you will increase your traffic on the site!
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