I recently received a marketing letter from a good friend whose company specializes in computer cable organization. It's something everyone needs, but is hard to explain to the consumer or business owner that they need it.
His letter follows:
"How would you respond as a buyer to the service of Workstation Cable Organization?
Workstation Cable Organization as a service is the idea that Cable Systems Management, Inc, was founded on.
CSM specializes in the typical mess of cables attached to the PC, or docked laptop, or any other electronic devices creating a maze of cables.
ROI and CBA is spending less with IT professionals tracing cables to the source, creating a more ergonomic workspace by mounting the PC to the underside of the desktop, as well as correct orientation for the user with respect to the workspace."
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Now read my response to him:
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Hi Pal,
I hope you are well. Again, I apologize for not having my normal schedule flexibility last week so I could meet your beautiful wife.
I want you to succeed. Or I wouldn't give you this piece of light criticism relating to the marketing email from you below:
From a writer's perspective...spell out the acronyms you are presenting. When I read the third paragraph I got lost, and was perplexed at the meanings of the abbreviations because I am outside of your industry (and PC Stupid!).
Like I said I want you to make a lot of money at this, but to most people, it's something they only notice if the computer is NOT working.
Use this formula when sending marketing letters.
1.Present problem---2. offer a testimonial---3.then present your product---4.then your product facts.
Using that order, it's easier to build marketing sentences.
Example: "You innocently put your feet under the desk daily, but where are your toes resting? On the cables? The conduits carrying electricity to your computer are not foot rests. "I shocked myself one day," says Mable Ragsdale of Atlanta, "...my employer had to call the ambulance and check my heart." Then her employer came looking for us---a company which will eliminate the problem and the insurance concerns later. Our company specializes in the typical mess of cables attached to the PC, or docked laptop, or any other electronic devices creating a maze of cables...." etc.
On my blog, I give examples of "How to Write a..." offering advice on everything from Writing a Glowing Reference to how to write a professional letter with a "fuck you" impact (yes, we have to fire the clients who don't pay, right?)
Buddies for Life,
Rayray
Don't fear the Writing Process: http://www.raisemytownmylove.blogspot.com/
Monday, July 16, 2007
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